I get onto the plane with the alte kakers, take my seat in the middle… the others file in behind me and it appears that I may get the window seat or the row next to me if nobody else were to come onto the flight.
Then, I see the last of the stragglers, but one of them walks past my row and stops at the aisle behind me.
I could hear the “is it alright if I sit next to my wife and give you my aisle seat? It would be a win win for the both of us…”
From there, the lucky aisle recipient (aka: shut the fuck up already Lisa) continued the pleasantries all the way until Georgia, when I LMFS.
Me: (turning around, sticking my mask through the seat; taking out my noise canceling airpods) Do you think you could stop talking to them for one minute?
Me: (pointing to Airpods) These can’t cancel you out any further and I cannot sit and listen to your yip yapping bullshit a second longer! I am a sick woman! (in the head)
Her: (patronizing me) I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was talking loudly, you could have asked me nicely…
Me: You just don’t shut up! Bla blitty bla bla bla…. They don’t care that you are engaged and getting married in two years and that you are in real estate supporting yourself at the age of 25 (I call bullshit) after working in finance… they just got married and I’m sure don’t want to hear you either! On and on and on… stop flirting with the man and read a book like everyone else on the plane, but just stop talking!
…So either way, I could never have moved across the aisle or she’d be staring diagonally at my feet for the rest of the flight.