The other day while checking into chemo with my mother, the woman at the front desk sent me to have my vitals taken by nurse dumb fuck. You know, the one who called out my 158 when I was standing backwards on the scale… now known as dumb fuck.

DF: Have a seat so I can get your vitals.

Me: (sitting) (fucking annoyed while looking up at my mother)

DF: Okay, give me your left forefinger for oxygen levels.

Me: (reliving the moment)

DF: Now which arm do you want your blood pressure taken?

Me: I don’t care.

DF: 110/70… you’ve got good genes.