Too Young To Remember

I remember nothing of my mother from my childhood except for a feeling. I can remember if she was angry or mad, but if I had to think back to when I was fifteen, I don’t remember her. Now, there are moments of sporadic memories- and if I were to look at a photo I may for a blip, be able to recall that event- but how I felt about my mother or things she used to say? Nada.

To go a step further, even when I was say, 22 years old, I don’t remember my mother during that time in my life. Nothing significant or stuck worthy…

I can recall when my grandfather had a heart attack… but nothing specific in terms of conversations or even feelings of my mother- yet I know that I loved her.

In fact, I can’t even think back to 4 years ago where I remember conversations or events of significance with my mom- including just a kiss she gave me. I know she did… but I don’t remember the feeling or exact memory.

My children are 11, 14 and 15- they’ll remember when I was diagnosed and they’ll remember I yelled a lot, but only if one of them were to remind the other. My son will have the least recollection of me.

This is what I think about. All the time.

So when people ask me why I would ever want to uproot my place of business which is conveniently located in my backyard, it is in the hopes that one memory that I make with my son, sticks.

*Before I hear from everyone that I’ll be around for a long time… your long and mine are not even on the same road so, stfu.

About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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