April 8, 2020

730 Days, 17,531 hours, 1,051,860 seconds ….that is how long ago the phone call came to me.

The table had been set the night before- beautifully, I might add. I’d cooked all morning, cut all my flowers into centerpieces… and was stirring my grandmother’s sweet and sour meatballs’ recipe when the pulmonary doctor (who’s name escapes me), called my cell.

Dr: (death warmed over) Hi Rachel, are you alone?

Me: (Ann! it’s the doctor…thinking he’ll tell me if I had Sarcoidosis .. the other option that the doctor had told me was most likely- for in my pre biopsy consult he was certain it wouldn’t be a tumor), Well?…

Dr: (was he upset?) I got the results of your biopsy and I’m afraid you have Lung cancer.

I think I told hubby what he said while giving him the phone and remember holding onto him as if I let go, I would immediately die.

Anyhow, hubby was instructed to whisk me to the hospital to meet with the recommended LC specialist and my parents were called…. by hubby? They must have called my sister… Did I call my friend too? My principal?

My parents and sister… maybe my friend too? They must have flown in their cars and I remember them crying (or had they cried in their cars and were just somber?) telling me that I’ll be alright … but I had to leave… my children- I couldn’t see them. How could I let them see me now?

While my hubby stayed with the kids, my parents and sister drove me to the hospital where my mom and I were the only ones allowed inside.

She immediately did a liquid biopsy test to see if I had any “markers”, and told me the results will be back in about a week to ten days. According to my mom, the doctor told her to pray for Ros-1; the mutation that I have. I remember she seemed pretty upbeat or self-assured.

Then of course, the waiting for “the plan”…. for until I could hear anything, I got to wonder how much longer I had- since I’d found out that the cancer had formed one year prior.

Anyway, its been two very long years and thus far, I’ve survived; we’ve survived. And I have to figure that if my grandmother lived for 7 long years past her prognosis, with the new medicine I have to be at least that.

…Unless of course I sealed my fate already (literally, liner and all) by purchasing my interment. …But that’s another post for another time.

About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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