Into The Known

Parking at the hospital was our first mistake and for further appointments, the only way to go is via Uber. Today, the valet parking was closed, the closest lots were closed and the only open lot was about a mile if not more, from where I needed to be.

I don’t care what my oncs say about my lungs, I simply cannot walk long distances. At one point while walking with my mother, we passed a woman pushing a lunch cart that I thought about jumping on. At another, I debated laying down on my back and having my mother pull me using the hood. By the time I entered the radiology office, I was deflated. Thankfully, my mother answered all the questions and all I had to do was figure out a way to lift my arm to sign.

The energy it took to walk from our car to the correct building, was just too damn much. So imagine my surprise when the orderly told me we have a “nice little walk” to the MRI. Having no part of all that, I asked for a chair and slumped in it, with my slumped tats because I didn’t want to forget removing my bra. A sight to be seen- eye lids that recede into my occipital lobe, saggy tatas and a disfigured looking pose.

Anyhow, we finally arrived at the location- I changed and was all set. Moments later, the nurse came to get me and thus began the fun.

Me: Do you have headphones?

Nurse: We don’t normally have them here since we’re at the hospital.

Me: (disbelief) Well, see if you can find some.

Moments later….. hands them to me.

Nurse: What station do you want?

Me: Disney

Nurse (disbelief) Okay well lets get you started and then I’ll turn it on.

Now, I cannot tell time in the machine but I can say this: if you’ve ever worried about being buried alive inside a coffin, it only takes a couple of minutes to lose your shit. I managed to wait until about 10 minutes when I began talking. After all, I was told they hear everything.

Me: (Trying to be kind) THERE’S NO DISNEY. I CAN’T HEAR ANYTHING.

Nurse: It’s playing really loud where we are.

Me: (Liars) Well, I can’t hear anything and I’M STARTING TO GET UPSET.

Well, they proceed with the test and a few moments later I squeeze the ball in my hand for emergencies, and they come in.

Nurse: (Irritated) What’s wrong?

Me: I’m too hot! It’s so hot in there; I need to move my hair.

Nurse: (Don’t lift your head)

Me: (Lifts head) I’m hot! I cannot have my hair on my neck.

Nurse: (Annoyed) Well now we’re going to have to redo some of the pictures since you moved.

Me: (GAF) Try to get the music on, this isn’t going to go well for me.

….And sure enough, those lying nurses magically got it to work after I screwed up their initial images, just to be done with me.

…Needless to say, the results are in and the shit is moving around my spine.

About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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