Well, my hemorrhoid seems to be causing some tension in my derrière.

Can you believe that this is what it has come to? Weekly blood tests and doctors’ appointments… X-Rays and MRIs, CT scans and drinking bariums like one would a margarita.

As it is I am barely regular. Half the time I’m either constipated or skipping to numero tres.

I feel like SATC’s writers are in charge of my bodily woes… and I’m still only forty-eight. …Well, I am chronologically forty-eight but I’ve no doubt my innards are up there with the late Betty White.

In any case, my once favorite past time is no longer- for the longer I dre, feels as if I’m going 1-10 sans anesthesiologist and the baby’s holding knives.

All I can say is I am now wearing sanitary pads like a tweenager because otherwise, my tucks medicated or the tablespoon of A&D I have shoved between my fat ass, will wet the bed!