Edward Scissorass

Well, my hemorrhoid seems to be causing some tension in my derrière.

Can you believe that this is what it has come to? Weekly blood tests and doctors’ appointments… X-Rays and MRIs, CT scans and drinking bariums like one would a margarita.

As it is I am barely regular. Half the time I’m either constipated or skipping to numero tres.

I feel like SATC’s writers are in charge of my bodily woes… and I’m still only forty-eight. …Well, I am chronologically forty-eight but I’ve no doubt my innards are up there with the late Betty White.

In any case, my once favorite past time is no longer- for the longer I dre, feels as if I’m going 1-10 sans anesthesiologist and the baby’s holding knives.

All I can say is I am now wearing sanitary pads like a tweenager because otherwise, my tucks medicated or the tablespoon of A&D I have shoved between my fat ass, will wet the bed!

About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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