“Don’t Ever Call My Vagina A Clam Again”

For the past few days my middle child has had horrible bouts of anxiety- to the point where she cannot leave the house to go to school. In short, not feeling herself made her feel something was wrong- and panic has ensued.

This evening, she calmly came into my room with her laptop to hang- as she’s been doing this week.

Normally, she’ll ask me to watch Modern Family or The Office, but this evening I declined her choice of show and told her I wanted to watch my 90 Day Fiancee Happily Ever After?

As we’re both laying in my bed and listening to Season 6, Episode 8, my heart skipped two beats while she was hearing what I was.

This particular couple was having trouble with romance and embarked on a weekend getaway…with a stop at the “sex shop”. And while inside the shop as the camera men panned the expansive wall of shlongs, and “clam shells,” my child is seeing the same thing. Furthermore, the husband who speaks very poor English, is using words and terms as toddlers would, while trying to communicate what he wants and how he wants it used.

As this husband is going on and on, my child to the left is hysterical laughing while holding her ears and saying, “I’m only thirteen! Mooommmm! He’s going to use it for his balls and penis while she uses the bunny ears to vibrate on her vagina?”

Now, judge as you will, but at least she’s got something to visualize when I put her on the bus Monday.

About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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