My kids are annoying when it comes to food. Certainly, they have other habits that I could note, but for now, let’s talk food.
Me: (to son) What would you like for breakfast?
Son: I’ll have yogurt.
Me: You always have that, how about a bagel?
Son: Do we have raisin?
Son: You don’t know how to make it like dad; dad knows how to toast it and butter it just the way I like it.
Me: OK, then do you want waffles?
Son: Are they Eggo thick and fluffy?
Me: I’m sure they are.
Son: Are you? Are you sure mom?
Me: Yes or no to the waffles?
Son: Do we have mini waffles?
Me: Get your own yogurt.
Kid (Eldest child): I’m hungry
Me: Well, what would you like?
Kid: I don’t know, there’s nothing I can really eat.
Me: Hummus and veggies?
Me: Peanut butter and jelly?
Kid: Then no. Did you buy fluff??
Me: Not yet.
Kid: Did you buy graham crackers?
Me: No, I forgot.
Kid: So you have marshmallows but nothing to make S’mores?
Me: Focus on lunch. Do you want noodles and butter?
Kid: No, that’s boring.
Kid: I can’t eat tomatoes and don’t like just cucumbers.
Me: Then what do you want?!
Kid: There’s nothing to eat in this house!
Me: I’m sure you’ll find something.
Me: (to middle who made her own lunch) Remember to clean up the dishes and wash the table when you’re done eating.
Kid: So let’s get this straight, you offer to make all this food for the other two- which involves using pots and pans, I make myself lunch and now I have to clean up???
Me: Does anybody care that I’m dying?!