My kids are annoying when it comes to food. Certainly, they have other habits that I could note, but for now, let’s talk food.

Me: (to son) What would you like for breakfast?

Son: I’ll have yogurt.

Me: You always have that, how about a bagel?

Son: Do we have raisin?

Me: Yes.

Son: You don’t know how to make it like dad; dad knows how to toast it and butter it just the way I like it.

Me: OK, then do you want waffles?

Son: Are they Eggo thick and fluffy?

Me: I’m sure they are.

Son: Are you? Are you sure mom?

Me: Yes or no to the waffles?

Son: Do we have mini waffles?

Me: Get your own yogurt.

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Kid (Eldest child): I’m hungry

Me: Well, what would you like?

Kid: I don’t know, there’s nothing I can really eat.

Me: Hummus and veggies?

Kid: No.

Me: Peanut butter and jelly?

Kid: Jiffy?

Me: No.

Kid: Then no. Did you buy fluff??

Me: Not yet.

Kid: Did you buy graham crackers?

Me: No, I forgot.

Kid: So you have marshmallows but nothing to make S’mores?

Me: Focus on lunch. Do you want noodles and butter?

Kid: No, that’s boring.

Me: Salad?

Kid: I can’t eat tomatoes and don’t like just cucumbers.

Me: Then what do you want?!

Kid: There’s nothing to eat in this house!

Me: I’m sure you’ll find something.

Me: (to middle who made her own lunch) Remember to clean up the dishes and wash the table when you’re done eating.

Kid: So let’s get this straight, you offer to make all this food for the other two- which involves using pots and pans, I make myself lunch and now I have to clean up???

Me: Does anybody care that I’m dying?!