I love the questions asked of me when I am going to different doctor appointments. But I am especially enamoured when I am about to have a PET Scan and asked questions like these…

Nurse: Hi Rochelle, name and DOB (that shit is on repeat with every person you come into contact with during an appointment

Me: It’s bla/bla/bla

Nurse: Do you have a port?

Me: No

Nurse: Diabetes?

Me: No

Nurse: Metal in your body?

Me: No

Nurse: A stint?

Me: No

Nurse: Is there a chance you could be pregnant?

…Now, all of the questions prior to the last, are for ill people (IMO)- people who aren’t actively pursuing intercourse. In fact, I would go out on a limb and say- I highly doubt anybody going for a PET Scan is even remotely healthy enough to not only do the deed- but then magically conceive- considering most people are on some type of chemo.

So, I’ve come up with what I feel are equivalent type of questions that these nurses could ask…

Any chance you ironed today?

Any chance you baked today?

Any chance you got gas today?

Any chance you got your nails done today?

The list goes on, but you get my drift.