One cannot fathom what it is like to hear, “we will do everything we can to keep you alive.”

Today’s appointment was good- if your name wasn’t Rochelle. It was good for mother/hubby because they heard my doctor is the only doctor who should be consulted with, and that makes them feel even more confident. They know that she is the best and she’s got her fingers on the pulse of things.

But for me, I hear things differently. For example, I was told that there are many, many, many different drugs I could try and that chemo was a last resort. To me, that sounds like there are several “manys” that stand between me and chemo. However, at today’s appointment, when I asked what happens if… there wasn’t a hesitation when she said, chemo.

I know lately I’m forgetful… and I know I’m supposed to be a little slower at the processing… but very quickly did I put two and two together. My last resort is my next possible option if this drug doesn’t work. Also, chemo may not work either. …And the Gamma Knife I had to my brain, that I just finished taking medication for, those brain babies may come back, again and again…and ….

Now I understand what everyone means by keep up the fight. I am already exhausted and I’ve only had one bout of Brain radiation and two second opinions.

About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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