I had scheduled a phone call with a retirement planner- just for shits and giggles. Hubby was there with me- as the designated listener and the point of the call was to determine how many more years before I could retire.

Man: Hello… so you want to calculate when you can retire…

Me: Yes- when could I retire and how much of my salary would I make?

Man: Let’s see…. it says here you can retire at 60 with x amount or 62 with x+.

Me: (hmmm….) That’s a long time away…. How about this, when is the earliest I could retire and get at least something….?

Man: Well, you could get an early out at 55 with x amount of years in… and you would make % of x.

Me: (hmmm…. ) So the difference in those 5 years aren’t really significant. Ok…

Man: Are there any other questions?

Hubby: Actually, I have a question… can you tell me if there is an illness clause….?

Me: (Hearing church bells)

Man: Well, what would the illness be?

Hubby: My wife has stage 4 bla bla bla….

Man: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that… for what it’s worth, you sound pretty good.

Me: cough, cough.