I should have known when I got the Amazon alert that my son’s boogie board was delivered to the house, moments after we left for the shore, that the day would only go downhill.
I took my son to the beach for the second time this summer. The first time- it was magical. The weather was perfect, the sky was blue and the water was warm. Yesterday, the weather was about 82 Oxygen rate- with the water chilly. Additionally, there was something called a land breeze- aka lord of the flies. Yep, it means that all the bay crap and bugs on the other side of the island, get swept towards the ocean (aka my son).
Now, I’ve already told you that I have to maintain Mosad-like reflexes when spotting a fly/bug when in the presence of my son, so imagine my surprise to see numerous “green” (biting) flies- all the fuck over the beach. Having only limited experience with these flies- I failed to remember that when it’s wax ready hot, the flies are out.
Anyhow, we’re on the beach, its hot, and all of a sudden my friend who I was with, gets bitten. She slaps her legs and my son looks to me. I simply say, “wow, you really put on your lotion rough.”
Realizing my kid is f’d up, she plays along with me- until he catches her swatting at another.
So as not to get bitten, I suggest going into the water. Mind you- the week before when I took him, he was in the warm water the entire day. This time, he didn’t have his boogie board- and didn’t care for the surf-like board we borrowed. I tried to get him to go in the water with me, and even got him on the board once- but since it was twice his size, he went under.
Deciding to play at the water’s edge instead, he thought digging a hole would at least kill time. Again, unfortunately, the one item I asked him to grab from the kitchen was not grabbed- so, he had to dig with his hands. One hermit crab “exoskeleton” later, and we were off for one last attempt at staying on the beach; we took a walk.
It was here that I realized my squirmish and anxiety-ridden son was Melvin Udall. The boy would only walk where the ocean couldn’t reach. Here the waves are rolling in and out, my mother and I are walking like normal people in the water, and my son is walking in rainbow-like patterns to avoid the “dead crustacean.” Between the flies trying to eat him, the ocean fraught with hermit crabs, and the heat- it was just fab.
If it wasn’t for the little girl blowing big bubbles by the water’s edge, my son would have all out lost it. He actually stopped, smiled, and tried to catch bubbles…. before remembering how much he hated me for bringing him to the beach.