Yo Adriene

If one were driving past our house, they might think they were in the south of France. Flowers encompass the fenced-in yard- as well as dangle from the balcony windows. The grass is perfectly manicured and the brick path newly placed- overall, the house looks together. However, inside is a whole nother story!

I have one child who sits in her bed all day, shades drawn, lights off… playing Fortnite in the same outfit for weeks. Dishes are piled around her once magnificent room- and both clean and dirty laundry abound. 9

The other child walks around singing Hamilton on loop- 17 hours (if not more) a day- frizzy hair stretching out to 19″ every which way from her face- as she, too dons her Covid uniform (jammies). Jolly Rancher wrappers are strewn all over her side tables and 14 chargers and charging cords are plugged into every outlet surrounding her Bedquarters. 

Lastly, my youngest- who should be known as Linus, since he sits hunched over his laptop, in the dark, under the covers, bottoms only- saying, “get noob, get noob…. epic…. victory royale” ALL DAY LONG.

I have a senior dog who paces in circles- nonstop, searching for table food. If she isn’t sleeping 15 hours a day, she is pacing 15 hours a day… and shitting. She either can’t get up or tries to get up, all the while kicking her hindlegs in the shit that fell from her non-sphinctered ass.

The middle dog, when she’s not up my husband’s ass, is having accidents in the bed- every time she has a nightmare- which seems to be every few hours…. and the youngest, Cujo, likes to go outside to snarl at every biker and passerby- and then come in and either make a sis or shit… on any article of clothing that lay on the floor.

Needless to say, the inside is more South Philly.

About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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