My children have not left the house since their last day of school in March. Each child has their own issue and I decided it was time to drag them out- to visit retired horses. The farm was 45 minutes away and the plan was to go, pet, play and go.
Me: (Yelling upstairs) Let’s go kids! Come on down we are leaving.
Middle: (Yelling downstairs) I’m not going; I’ll go to bubby’s.
Me: You are coming with us and I’m not going to say it again, let’s go!
Eldest: (Comes down in long pj pants and a bralette that she’s been wearing for 9 days) I’m ready.
Me: You go back upstairs, put on shorts and find a top! It’s 90 degrees out!
Youngest: (Comes downstairs in long pants and a long sleeve top- carrying his iPad, iPhone and Laptop) I need a charger.
Me: You are not wearing that to the farm! It is hot outside!! And you are not bringing your electronics.
Youngest: Then I’m not going (proceeds to walk back upstairs).
Me: (Can hear the wails from my middle child who does not want to leave the house) Let’s go! I am not going to say it again, you are coming and that’s that!
Eldest: (Reappears in PJ bottoms and T-shirt) How long are we going to be there?
Me: Not long! Go get in the car.
Youngest: (Comes down wearing different pants and long sleeve top) I don’t want to get sunburned- I am wearing this.
Me: You are going to be hot! Just go to the car!
Youngest: I’m not sitting in the back.
Hubby: (Surfaces from toying with shit in the garage) Ready? What’s taking so long?
Me: Middle won’t come down; she doesn’t want to go.
Hubby: (Goes upstairs whilst yelling) You have 1 minute to come on down and get in the car. We are going as a family.
Eldest (Comes back inside) I’m going to go check on Middle.
Me: Just get in the car, we don’t have time for this; I don’t need you getting lost now.
(5 minutes go by)
Me: (Screaming; PAS) Let’s go!!!! I said come on down!!!
Middle: (Comes downstairs with a shmata around her neck, in tears) How long are we going for?
Me: Where did you find that?
Middle: It was in my closet.
Me: (Yells upstairs) Eldest!!! We are ready to leave, let’s go!
Eldest: (Comes down) I’m sitting in the front.
Me: Your father may want to.
Eldest: Then I’m not going; it’s too long a drive.
After setting the alarm and locking up the house, we spent another 4 minutes arguing over who was going to sit in the front two rows and who was going to be sentenced to the way back. As we were finally about to pull out of the driveway, I noticed my senile dog sitting outside the front door to be let in.