Toot Toot, Yeah, Beep Beep

One of the things my grandfather’s lady friend used to do- when she stood up, was fart. Actually, with each beginning step she’d take (from being seated), she’d beep, bop her way to wherever she was headed… as if nothing happened. Now, I, being mentally stuck at 6 years old, would laugh- gesture and comment on the situation- because, who could pretend they didn’t hear it?!

Years later, my grandfather would play the same beat as he went along his way- and again, I’d do my very best to not urinate all over myself as I uncontrollably laughed.

I kept thinking, who does that? Do they not hear what we all heard?  Well, I’ve finally got the answer to those questions! You see, I, too, have been known to blow my own whistle when I walk from a sit position- as of late. In fact, there are times that the air from my ass decides to play the role, Dusty Dust Crapper- simply because I bent to tie my shoe (or sneezed).

Worst yet, I keep going as if nothing just happened! Sure, is it embarrassing when I walk past the painters in my house and they hear the universal language of gas? Or when I get up from the table where my son’s telehealth appointment is occurring, and the first 10 notes from Madagascar’s Afro Circus come out? Absolutely! But my point is, I understand why they kept a-marching.

You see, once you hit the age of senility or your organs need shit assistance on a daily basis (for life), something’s gotta go… and for me, that’s the give a shit button- literally.

About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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