I’m attaching the link to the movie in the title- as it should best explain my post.

Hubby got a massage chair- the ones you’d see in any mall, that massage you. Now, a few things to know: he’s wanted this for as long as I’ve known him- and he enjoys a deep tissue massage.

What you also need to know is that this chair was only going in 1 of 2 places: the bedroom or the poker room. Since he has informed me on numerous occasions that he is not a basement dweller, it is upstairs in the bedroom. That being said, my kids have cock blocked this chair for 16 hours of each day thus far. Each one takes a massage (or three) throughout the day and loves it. Well, they love/fear it.

Thus far, I’ve sat in the chair three times- all on high alert.

Now, you may be saying, Rochelle, what’s to fear?? For starters, the pistons or whatever controls the arm rests going up and down at strangulation intensity. If you’ve ever completed a roller coaster ride- when the ride comes to a stop, it makes that exhale noise of the breaks- this noice can be heard every 20 seconds- igniting a childhood memory which is the foundation for all my anxiety.

The armrests- they are a beautiful wood lacquer and actually remind me of caskets. Not just the shininess, but the open and shut movements. What scares me with regards to the automated chair, is when my arms are in the rests, the tops of the rest open and shut- squeezing with force (much like a blood pressure cuff).

Moving down to the calf contraption, the compression on my legs feels like someone is tightly grabbing my legs (imagine toddlers leaving their mothers).

The fear is that this thing could likely shut down at any time and that would be that. That’ right- each one of us who has sat in this chair, has actually questioned the likelihood of it dying on squeeze mode–  much like the movie Christine. In this film, this old car kills everybody who gets in it- to protect the driver. I’m not saying this chair will kill me to protect the person who wanted it (hubby), but…I also know hubby doesn’t want us using up its working ability, so….

Now, if you’re wondering, “but isn’t it relaxing? ” the answer to that question is this: its only semi relaxing when I’m able to use this chair, when there are two robust people in the room to rescue me, should this Christine me!

About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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