The other day I was eating some hard pretzels- but let me explain. I was in the kitchen by myself- cleaning and I thought, I could go for some Snyders Hard Pretzels.

That is when my middle child came downstairs and also wanted a snack. While she was debating what to have, I opened the new bag of pretzels and started to dig in.

Note: there is nothing more satisfying to me these days, then pretzels and mustard. No matter where I am eating them- I am just happy as can be. I’m not sure if its the loud crunch that washes out whatever noise is happening in the background or what, but anyone who chews these pretzels cannot do it quietly.

Me: (chewing)
Daughter: Could you not chew so loud near me?
Me: (mid chew) …Sure.

Now, I did my best for maybe 2 seconds- trying to let the pretzel take a time out in my cheeks- waiting to chew it until I was further away from her, but that didn’t work well.

Kid: Mom!!! You’re too loud!
Me: I’m trying!! They’re just hard!

So, I tried just sucking on them- bug again, that didn’t last more than a few seconds before I returned to chewing them.

Kid: (Grrrrr!!) Mom! I’m going to just go upstairs!
Me: No, I will be quiet.

So, now I have a semi soggy pretzel still rotating in my cheek and seriously put my best effort forward to just gently gnaw at it, and quickly  made the decision to chew with my mouth closed.

Have you ever tried to chew hard pretzels with your mouth closed… whilst breathing out of your nostrils… near somebody else?

Apparently, that warrants a, “would you fucking stop already!”

About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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