My kids have been off schedule even before this Covid virus. They sleep all day and are up all night- despite me trying to wake them up repeatedly.

For weeks now, I have to literally go into each of the girls’ rooms, say, Good morning (and after the third time use a Lieutenant’s voice) reopen their shades, remove their covers, shine the light, turn off their sound machines….for about an hour. They just cannot wake up for anything. Actually, that’s not true- if they were having a sleepover and up all night, they’d have zero problems getting up and joining the land of the living. And if I thought deeper about this situation, if I told them we had a flight, (to anywhere tropical), they’d be up like that. 

My mother can’t wake them, hubby can’t wake them… and even setting off the alarm, would not wake them.

A little bit ago- around 4:20 a.m., my son had to go to the bathroom; he wasn’t feeling well. He’s not sick- he just ate before bedtime and the boy doesn’t eat anything healthy aside from yogurt. All that aside, I walked him back and forth to the bathroom in case he had to make- whispering all the while that he is going to feel better after he makes.

We did this routine for about 15 minutes on and off- walking quietly to the bathroom…. I would whisper to him that it’s all just gas and he’ll be fine. I thought about having him look into the toilet as sometimes that gets something started- but did I want the role of vomit-taker?

So, back in bed we go- as sitting on the toilet for the 4th time wasn’t doing anything- and both of my cocktail waitresses decide to wake from their slumber.

Child 1: What’s wrong? Why are you up?

Me: Brother has a stomachache.

Child 1: Brother, you come to me if you don’t feel well; mother needs her rest.

Me: Mother is just fine; he’s not sick. He just ate before bedtime. Why are you up?

Child 1: I heard walking back and forth…

Me: Go back to bed; we’re fine.

I take my son to the bathroom one last time, get back into bed and now see the shadow of  Gilda Radner.

Child 2: I heard talking, is everything ok?

Me: (WTF) You’re all the way in your room and you heard talking? Go to bed! Why is everyone up?

Now, I have two teens up, resuming their screen time, my son is sound asleep, and I am wide awake and listening to the birds outside my open window- start their shit.