I know I’m not the nicest person; I could be catty and cruel. Sometimes… most of the time I do beep and curse at the driver ahead of me, and g-forbid there’s a turn on red and the person before me doesn’t realize it. But other than that, I try to do some good. For instance, if a colleague needs help on a project- I’m there. Or, if someone needs tech help- I’m your gal. In short, I thought I balanced out my shit so the karma doesn’t ricochet off my heart.

Today, I took my daughter to her well-visit. Everything was status quo: weight check, height, eyes, etc.

As the convo lulled with “anything else or any concerns you may have?” I may have derailed the appointment.

Dr: Everything seems pretty normal- do you have any questions or concerns?

Me: I’m just curious- is there something wrong with her ankles? They have no shape; they’re like cankles.

Dr: (suspiciously eyeing them) They do look like they are puffy…. Do you feel any pain when I touch here?

Kid: Yes, a little.

Dr: And here?

Kid: Yes a little.

Dr: Have they always been swollen?

Kid: I don’t know?

Dr: Well all of her pulses feel normal.

Me: Pulses?

Dr: Yes, the blood flow from her heart.

Me: (PLEASESHUTUPPLEASESHUTUPPLEASESHUTUP)

Kid: Pulses? You mean there could be something wrong?

Dr: No, I’m sure its nothing but I’ll give you the name of an orthopedist.

Me: (great)

Dr: Let me listen to your chest for a minute

Kid: (breathes in and out)

Dr: (sits down) There’s a slight murmur that I could hear; let me see if its ever been noted before.

Me: (SHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUP)

Kid: Murmur?

Dr: Your blood just makes a louder noise as the blood goes through the valve.

Me: I have one too. So does your brother. Everybody has one, very common.

Kid: So like, I could have a heart attack?

Me: (FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK)

Dr: No, that’s pretty unlikely but I will also give you the name of a cardiologist.

Kid: I need to see a heart doctor? Is it because of my ankles and the blood flow?

Me: Please, you have a heart problem like I have one. Just get dressed.

At this point, the doctor leaves the room to go and get a copy of the doctors she’d like us to see, when I see my daughter take her phone.

Kid: Mom, did you know that one of the side effects of a heart murmur is fluid in the legs and ankles?? That some people experience heart attacks?

Yep, it’s Karma.