Shits and Tinkles

Last night around 2am, I awoke to the sound of my eldest dog falling. Since I had to go to the bathroom anyhow, I decided to check on her and help her get back up. It was then that I saw the devestation- liquid shit piles everywhere. Unfortunately for the two of us, I still had to urinate but it was a landmine zone of shit and she’d had it all over her ass- which by the way, was rolling around in it as she was still trying to get up on her own. Trying ever so hard not to vomit and make at the same time, I sent her outside and ran to the bathroom.

Naturally I tried to wake hubby to wash the dog but he was sleeping. When he did awake, he barely took a damp paper towel and thought wiping 10 oz of liquid shit would suffice. No matter- as I was back in bed and tuning the nightmare out.

This afternoon, shits a lot decided to continue the saga…. everywhere. Now, I have gates all over my house to keep the dogs out of the carpeted rooms…. but my spouse was once again, asleep – and didn’t notice the shitter shitting everywhere.

When it was his turn to call me for help- I simply said, I’m all shit out and let him handle it as best he could. Mistake number 2- for he has vision problems and that affects his sense of smell (and touch), so he didn’t realize he’d stepped in shit and was walking it all around the house.

Fast forward to returning from a night out (for a change) … when I walked into the house and instantly smelled something fishy. In case you were wondering, diarrhea smells like fish when hanging around solid surfaces. Luckily for me, I spotted it instantly and made the third grave mistake of thinking I had time to quickly clean the lonesome pile before urinating. Because in actuality, where there is one pile…. there’s always another and much to my dismay, as my head panned the room, I saw shit everywhere. In fact, it was in so many crevices in the tile that I just didn’t know where to begin. It was then that I recalled the image I’d seen earlier on FB, of this…

Screen Shot 2020-02-01 at 12.44.20 AM

where the cleaning of shit subsequently became the cleaning of urine, a load of wash and a shower.

Needless to say, my pelvic floor and my laundry room, is apparently not what it once was.

About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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