After the doctor had the audacity to throw out the term food therapy to me- as if I don’t see enough therapists, he continued with his line of questioning.
Dr.: Is there anything else you would like to discuss?
Me: Nope, I think that’s all.
Dr.: OK. Well, there is one thing I’d like to discuss that I noticed…
It is here where my heart and my head decided it was best that I start sharing my tsuris with multiple personalities- as clearly, my plate is full. This is also where I decided that there should be some sort of universal symbol- like a service dog or doggy pin that I could whip out of my purse to alert those with verbiage to shut the front door.
… that your son has jumped off of his expected growth curve- twice.
Trying not to lose my shit in front of my son and now extra worried daughter, I tried speaking code to process his concern.
Me: I’m sorry, I don’t understand… are you saying he won’t at least be 5’8″?
Dr.: No, what I’m saying is that if he continues to gain weight at the rate he’s going, he will hit …
Dr.: Only if he continues to jump curves- yes. And one of those indicators is weight gain is screen time…bla black bla.
Yep, I definitely need some sort of human translator or hitman to warn others of sharing anything less than positive with me when talking about my kids. …Oh, and I’d tell you what my response was but its still hard to speak after the stab wound to my heart.