Fucking Fish

Tonight begins the holiday of Rosh HaShana- essentially, our fate will be sealed in 10 days as to who will live or who will die by fire. Who will live or who will die by water…. etc. etc. etc. However, it is also the time where we argue who will host the meal, who will bring what and who will be having either the soup, the gefilte fish or both.

My almost college age children have been vegetarian since they were toddlers- this hasn’t changed. They never ate fish…. will never eat fish and they won’t be eating any chicken, brisket or meatballs. In 5 years they won’t be eating anything that once lived and in 50 years they likely will still be dining on noodles and just salt.

(Daughter’s Cell Phone Rings)

Daughter: Hello Bubbie

Bubbie: Tonight is dinner; services are on Monday.

Me: Tell Bubbie we’ll come set the table.

Daughter: Mom said we’ll come set the table.

Bubbie: Are you sure? I got everything out and I was going to do it.

Daughter: (puts phone on speaker)

Me: We can come when Oldest gets up.

Bubbie: Well I need to know if you’re coming or not otherwise I’ll set the table myself.

Me: I don’t know when she’s getting up.

Bubbie: I’ll set it myself.

(My cell rings)

Me: Hello?

Sister: Hi, Bubbie wanted me to call and see who was going to be eating the fish. I told her it would just be you since your people don’t eat fish.

Me: I’ll eat one piece.

Sister: Well I usually make two loaves so I’ll just make one.

Me: I don’t need to have fish.

(Housephone Rings)

Daughter:  (on speaker) Hi Bub….you want me to ask mom if she’s having fish?

Sister: Why is she calling? She asked me to call you so it wouldn’t be all the back and forth.

Me: (Yelling to daughter on phone so Bub hears)  I am on with Suzy and told her I’m having fish.

Bubbie: Ask your mother to let me know if she’s having fish.

Sister: OMG- she wants to know if you’re having fish.

Me: I’m on with Suzy, I told her I’m having fish.

Bubbie: Can you ask your mother to just tell me if she’s having fish so I can let Suzy know?!

Daughter: Bub wants you to tell her if you’re having fish; she can’t hear you.

Me: Yes, tell her I’ll have a piece of fish.

Bubbie: OK, thank you- that’s all I wanted to know.

Sister: Are you having the fish?

Me: Bub will call you and let you know that I’m having the fish.

I’ll probably be the one dying this year… reason: for being fresh.. 

About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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