Oh Shit!

I worked all day and got home after 8:30 pm. I was sweaty, exhausted and had a slight headache when I came home- after first stopping at the market.

As I walked throughout the kitchen area, I could swear I smelled shit. I even said aloud, “I smell shit in here! Who shit?!”

If that wasn’t enough, I even walked into each room to see if there was shit in there- walking on my beautiful carpets. I smelled and walked….but couldn’t find it anywhere.

Moving on with my search, I came upstairs to say hello to my children… and each step I smelled shit. Wasn’t in my room…. wasn’t in my daughter’s room at the end of the carpeted hallway….. so back and forth I paced the house…. all the while smelling shit.

Turns the fuck out, I had stepped in shit with my new SFake Skin boots! Realizing that was like a punch to the face- for now I had the undaunting task of figuring out how to clean up the 10,000 steps I took…. on all of the carpets and hardwoods…. literally in every room of our house.!

Fear struck my head- and my headache immediately increased. I had to first wash off my new shoes…. which typically I’d throw away. Had I known the souls of the shoes had 5000 pock marked grooves- I’d never had bought them. Spray/Rinse/SprayRinse/Spray/Rinse is what I did for the next ten minutes as the spray ricocheted off the shit bottom souls and onto my face.

Next, I had to first seek out my step marks and wash with Lysol wipes the caked on, dried shit marks and then I had the pleasure of washing the 3000 square feet of flooring…. plus the carpets.

Still, I smelled shit. Now, I did not smell shit in the car- for I retraced my steps in my head….. turns out, one of the little shits I foolishly adopted- shit on my black stair landing. It was camouflaged in the pattern and my new shoes stepped in it!

I could go on and on with how exhausted I was, how overwhelmingly sick I was to be cleaning the carpets and floors instead of emailing my daughter’s art teacher what a creep she’s been to my kids….. but I’m just spent.

Speaking of spent…. I will be getting the carpets cleaned tomorrow- sans coupon.

About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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