Today whilst walking I received a call from the nurse about my upcoming colonoscopy; she wanted to ask me some questions.

Nurse: Hi, just have a few questions to ask you; is this a good time?

Me: Sure!

Nurse: Have you ever had a heart attack?

Me: (Hmmm?) Nope.

Nurse: Have you had valve replacement?

Me: (Umm?) I’m only 46

Nurse: Do you have a pacemaker?

Me: (WTF) Still in my 40s.

Nurse: Are you allergic to latex?

Me: (Finally something that sounds semi normal) Nope.

Nurse: Do you suffer from mitral valve prolapse?

Me: (Ummm?) No.

Nurse: Have you had an abdominal aortic aneurysm?

Me: I don’t even know what that is.

Nurse: Do you have Multiple Sclerosis?

Me: Not yet.

Nurse: Do you suffer from diverticulitis?

Me: I don’t think so.

Nurse: Ok. That’s about it- you’re all set.

Me: I do have one thing you didn’t ask…

Nurse: What’s that?

Me: A hemorrhoid.