Monthly Archives: March 2019

Stoppen Sie die Ausgaben!

When Hubby is home, walking into my home after a day of errands is like walking in Natzi Germany, in broad daylight, while wearing Tefilin the day after Kristallnacht. You see, thanks to a certain App, he gets NASDAQ updates … Continue reading

Leave a comment

C Days

We are very fortunate to be able to afford the opportunity to send our daughter to overnight camp. It is not too expensive, but by no means is it inexpensive. Much of the fees are for the Kosher food, the … Continue reading

Leave a comment

The Score: Lexapro 20: Prozac 10

The other evening, when I was going to sleep, my son asked me this… Son: Mom? Do you ever wonder what happens when you die? Me: (one eye opening; oh shit!) Well, I never thought about it. Son: Well, hundreds … Continue reading

Leave a comment

Have You No Shame!

We’ve all been there- you’re in a meeting, you notice the time and realize that you haven’t eaten. You’re starving- your stomach is making obscene noises- and you apologetically say something to the person next to you- letting them somehow … Continue reading

Leave a comment

Nobody Move!

For several days my son had been complaining of his stomach hurting; once he saw the school nurse who said that he may be getting a stomach virus. Certain it was just from his lack of nutritional diet, I poo-poo’d … Continue reading

Leave a comment

The Best I could Give You Is A Hot Dog Roll

So, it’s always awkward when the doctor says,¬†slide on towards me, especially since they get visibly annoyed when one’s on the iPhone. Alas…. NP: I’m going to need you to slide down towards me. Me: (here we go) K. NP: … Continue reading

Leave a comment

Do You Feel Safe At Home?

While going through the routine questions…. when was your last period?…any new medication?…..any concerns?….. the NP asked a few others. NP: How often do you drink caffeine per day? Me: Once. NP: Has anything changed in your medical history? Me: … Continue reading

Leave a comment

I Forgot My Pits

So I’m on the table when the nurse practitioner comes in- all chippy and in 4″ heals. NP: (inquisitively looking) Hi, It’s nice to see you again. Me: (have we met? I don’t believe I know you) You too. NP:¬† … Continue reading

Leave a comment

Ready, Set, No

Its been 9 months since I’ve shaved my legs nor waxed. I’m not pro-Nordic; I’m lazy. That being said, since I’d scheduled my annual pap smear for tonight, I shaved my legs, waxed and washed before my visit. Mind you- … Continue reading

Leave a comment

Would We Still…

This evening while driving home with my kids after we evacuated the house, they somehow mentioned my job; I assured them that on my salary alone I could pay for everything we needed. As we passed the back of our … Continue reading

Leave a comment