Nobody Move!

For several days my son had been complaining of his stomach hurting; once he saw the school nurse who said that he may be getting a stomach virus. Certain it was just from his lack of nutritional diet, I poo-poo’d the suggestion.

Last night he was restless- complaining of his stomach and kept me up with his tossing and turning for two hours. I would rub his stomach- then his back. I had to go with him to the bathroom and wait while he tried to go. We repeated these scenarios 5 or 6 times before I said, “go find your father; let him take care of you!” After all, I needed to get some sleep and didn’t want to be up all night.

Half an hour later, I woke up to him running and screaming into my room…whilst vomiting. 

Trying to catch the vomit as it was avalanching from his mouth, I grabbed the nearest towel. Unfortunately, the little I caught on the towel would later come to haunt me.

Finally, we reached the toilet and I told him to sit! What he heard was… sit on the toilet so of course, more vomit on the ground.

“Kneel!!!! Kneel!!” I screamed, but of course, what’s done was done.

After the vomit episode ended, he finally was able to let forth his anal gate and between the Parmesano and zoo-like stench, he was done. I, however… was just beginning.

You see, with his screams from where his father sleeps to my room, he woke up his two sisters…. both of whom wanted to see what was happening. Both of whom, stepped in his wrath of glory while trying to know what was happening.  I heard their footsteps from 40 feet away…

Kid 1: Mom! Mom! Brother woke me up! I’m trying to sleep!

Me: Don’t walk! Don’t walk!

Kid 2: Is everything okay?  I can help you.

Kid 1: Ew! He threw up everywhere!

Me: (running downstairs to get the mop and Pine-Sol) DON’T WALK!!! STOP MOVING!!!!!

Kid 2: Here mom, here’s a towel…

Me: (screaming from downstairs) I SAID DON’T WALK! NOBODY MOVE!!! STOP WALKING!!!

Kid 1: Now I have to shower! Just great! Thanks a lot, Brother!

Kid 2: You’re so obnoxious! He’s sick!

Hubby: Go to bed you two! I’m trying to sleep!

Son: MOM! MOM! I NEED YOU!

Me: HUBBY! CAN YOU GET UP AND HELP!  I CAN’T CLEAN UP AND TAKE CARE OF HIM!

Hubby: (annoyed) (grunting)(molasses movement)

Kid 1: I NEED A TOWEL!! THERE ARE NO TOWELS IN THE BATHROOM!

Kid 2: Mom, Sister needs a towel.

Me: What?!

Kid 2: She’s done the shower and needs a towel.

Me: DON’T MOVE!!! JUST WAIT!

Kid 2: He also threw up in his room.

And then it hit me. Because I didn’t want to be up all night and wanted to get sleep, I sent him into his brand new room. So, after I washed the floors with the mop and then steamer, cleaned the toilet and all 67 feet of hallways, put the vomit towel into the wash on cremation cycle and washed everyone’s feet since they walked in and out of the trail of vomit, I then had the pleasure of cleaning his brand new carpet, slightly riddled with vomit. …All while hubby lay in bed asking me to turn off the light and stop keeping him up.

Needless to say, with Day Light Savings’ time, I’ve been up since 4:30 a.m.

About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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