So, it’s always awkward when the doctor says, slide on towards me, especially since they get visibly annoyed when one’s on the iPhone. Alas….

NP: I’m going to need you to slide down towards me.

Me: (here we go) K.

NP: A little more please.

Me: (the table is cut in half as it is, where am I going??) K.

NP: OK, I’m going to need you to rest your legs.

Me: (lady, the last time I rested my legs I was 6 years old) I’m resting.

NP: I’m going to need you to rest them a little more.

Me: (I just met you; I don’t even know your name and the nurse basically confirmed my fatness) K.

NP: Think of a butterfly position; I promise it will be quick.

Me: The best I could give you is a hot dog roll.

So, there you have it. I had the floors waxed, the room spotless and decluttered, and in the end, I didn’t want any visitors coming into my home to make a mess. Yep, hubby would agree to this literal and figurative notion.