Its been 9 months since I’ve shaved my legs nor waxed. I’m not pro-Nordic; I’m lazy. That being said, since I’d scheduled my annual pap smear for tonight, I shaved my legs, waxed and washed before my visit. Mind you- I had an evening appointment- when typically I’m on my second pint of ice cream and 4th hour of Netflix. To drive this point further home, my vajay was like a 20 year old- all set to go while my 40+ mind was ready for bed.

So imagine my annoyance when the overweight (will matter later on) nurse questioned the reason for my visit.

Nurse: You’re here for your annual?

me: Yes.

Nurse: Your last visit was in May; It’s not a year yet- we require you to wait 365 days and a week.

me: Actually, my insurance company considers January 1st as a new cycle so… I believe I mentioned this when I scheduled this visit.

Nurse: (nasty look) I’ll be right back.

Now here I was thinking- go on and tell me to come back in a few months; try it. But she came back a minute later with a kinder disposition and took me back.

Nurse: Just put your things down here and I’ll take you back to get weighed.

Me: Don’t tell me (as I turned backwards from the screen)

Nurse: (Bitch- I wish I was your fat look) Mmmm. Ok you can step off.

Me: Was I more than 140??

Nurse: (thrilled) Mm-hmm.

Me: More than 150??

Nurse: No.

Needless to say-not only will I never make a middle of the night appointment- but I’ll schedule it exactly as they prefer it- in the summer!