So I’m on the table when the nurse practitioner comes in- all chippy and in 4″ heals.

NP: (inquisitively looking) Hi, It’s nice to see you again.

Me: (have we met? I don’t believe I know you) You too.

NP:  (still giving an insecure look) I can’t believe it’s been a year.

Me: (oh so now she’s going to play too?) Yep.

NP: Are you doing anything exciting for 2019?

Me: (bitch, its half over) Nope.

NP: OK, that’s nice. You can lay down now and I’ll start up there. Just put your arm up like this (shows how).

Me: (oh shit) Oh man! I knew I forgot something; I didn’t shave my arms.

Note to self: crotch care is only welcomed when taco-tit-pits don’t accompany it.