Last night, after a riveting game of Mahjongg, I came upstairs to my unkempt room and decided to change the sheets. After all, the housekeeper was coming only 8 hours later and why should she have to labor over an extra set of sheets?

In any event, whilst changing my sheets I noticed the smell of shit. Yelling at two of the possible culprits, I searched the entire room thrice, but to no avail.

Me: You do smell that, don’t you?

Daughter: Yep.

Me: And it smells like the dog shit, right?

Daughter: Uh-huh.

Me: I can’t locate it- every time I think I’ve found it, I don’t see anything.

Thinking it couldn’t possibly have been coming from within, I quickly peeked inside my underwear. Two thoughts came to mind as I unveiled this untimely shart- how could this have happened and how long had I been toting that around?