I’ll make this real short: the new rabbi gave a sermon today on heartbeats. He said to hear one is both a happy and sad thing…

Now, before I continue, I need to tell you of a situation that happened during the Torah strolls. A gentleman feinted and at least a dozen variations of physicians surrounded him. Had I taken my children out of our row a few seconds faster, I’d really have nothing to post. Unfortunately, since we missed the procession we went to a different spot in the temple to wait- at the exact moment the Fauda was occurring.

For the next 45 minutes or so, I had to remind my ever anxious child that she will not pass out- despite the fact that she had also not yet eaten.

I told her he was very old and that is why- she told me he was, “Bubbie’s age.” In any event, I finally assured her that should she also feint, this was the place to be. In fact, if there were a cooler of organs waiting for transplant, there’d be several stations of surgeries that could occur there and then.

…As the rabbi continued with his reasoning, I sat silently praying that my finally calmed down child was not paying attention. “…It’s a happy sound because it shows the miracle of life…but its also a sad sound because it’s finite.”

In case the congregation was illiterate, he defined finite as being limited- “it will eventually stop.”

In case you’re wondering why I am not still in services praying, I had to leave with my family so that I could make a 911 call to the therapist.