Happy workers in Hawaiian garb at Trader Joes.

Overly helpful cashiers asking if I’ve found everything, after waiting in winding lines as if they’re going to leave their command posts and help me find what I failed to find on my own.

Telemarketers who try to sound apologetic and say, “I’m sorry to hear that, let me see how I can ….” when they 1. know they’re being recorded and 2. could honestly give a shit.