I’m apparently at the age where friends or acquaintances are dying off- purposely. But it is the latest untimely death that had me ruminating on the departed’s last few days of events.

I’d heard he basically youtube and googled what to do….. He went to put his affairs in order- bank account, cell phone password, email passwords, car title, legal affairs.. . and then purchased what he needed for his plan. So far he stuck to the code of ethics for suicide; I get all that.

I was curious as to what he may have eaten his last day. Did he break free and eat anything at all, or fast as if this were akin to surgery? Is it like when one goes to put a dog down later that day, and you just don’t feed them?? Or if he chose to eat a huge waffle cone with fudge and the works… would that perhaps reverse this plan?

Yet I digress… for I was mainly, I was curious to see his note to his parents. My friend had received a copy and for several days she read and reread it to me- as we tried to dissect and understand what was going through his head. Over and over I tried to imagine what his letter would look like- for instance, were there tear stains? Smudge stains from tears? Cheeto marks on the sides of the page?

So today, when my friend asked if I wanted to see his suicide note- I said, “sure.” As I waited and wondered what I would feel as I saw it, the penmanship… neat or sloppy? Big or small print? Blue or black ink… or maybe red? … and the list goes on. What I hadn’t expected, was that it was typed. 

Who the hell types their last words??? Isn’t that a good time to follow the unspoken code for suicide and handwrite it like a normal mentally ill person?? Perhaps someone should create a new feed for how to commit suicide… and add the personally handwritten part as being the decent thing to do.