That Depends

I’ve recently found myself in some very tough situations. I have had little time to frequent the bathroom. Perhaps I should reduce my liquid intake during the day to avoid this situation, but nonetheless, it’s happened several times.

I start to feel the urgency but realize I am in the midst of an important client meeting. I’ll squeeze and wiggle, perhaps sit on the edge of my chair as if somehow able to push it back up. Other times, I am able to keep that feeling at bay until it comes back moments later, tenfold.

Recently it has happened while en route from work. No matter how hard I squeeze and jiggle, I’m faced with the daunting task of planning my exit. Literally I have to sit in my parked car for several minutes, as I figure out how to get in the house unscathed.

Do I have time to unbutton my pants? What will I do if I can’t get up the steps? Are there clothes I could be wearing that would be easier in situations like these?

And 9/10 times, I’m unable to execute my plan and pull my pants down far enough to be home free.

So, last evening I purchased lady diapers- and thought I would see how they work- for the off chance that I have even less control over my bladder. Fearing that it would leak, I sat on the toilet, and urinated into my diaper- after all, I can’t be at work and trying this out for the first time, uncertain of its protection.

What I didn’t plan for, was my child who was momentarily concerned she had depression, see me use a diaper.

My Child’s Likely Mental Checklist:

  1. First therapist would rather shoot herself than do family therapy.
  2. Friend of mom shot himself
  3. Mom shat herself.
  4. No matter what, I’m fucked.




About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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