Alice Wouldn’t Stand For This

This evening I got home late from a doctor’s appointment with one of my kids- at the ripe hour of dinner time. I wasn’t in the house 10 seconds before the whines of, “I’m starving! Nobody fed us! I want dinner!” began.

Now, I’m good…I can whip something up in 5 minutes or less- provided that the ingredients are in the fridge. For example, I always make noodles and put them in a container. This way, if one kid wants butter but another wants sauce… well, all I have to do is run hot water over the already cooked noodles and voila!

Unfortunately for my youngest- who only eats noodles for dinner, there weren’t any noodles that were cooked, in the refrigerator. That meant, I had to boil the water (8 minutes) and cook the pasta (11 min.) Essentially he had to wait 19 minutes before he could eat- which in my house is considered cruel and unusual punishment.

My middle child who was going to die from starvation if she didn’t eat her quesadilla AND noodles this second, was able to be held off by two fresh avocados and a half a bag of chips. The eldest child could wait the five minutes for the frozen vegetables from Trader Joe’s to be cooked and I, who hadn’t had anything to eat since 12:30 pm nor had I urinated since 11 am, had to race around my kitchen to stave off the sharks.

In the meantime, while I was chopping avocados, making sure the quesadilla wasn’t too light nor too dark, heating water for noodles, mixing stir fry and making fake chili at the same time (only to realize I didn’t have any beans), was asked to simultaneously provide beverages.

I know I could permanently damage my children by showing them a clip of the Holocaust and the shit food they had to eat, but I just can’t bear another afternoon in my week schlepping to therapy.

About Lady in Red

mom of 3
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