Monthly Archives: May 2016

Apples:Apples

Retirement: The longer one works, the more money one would receive, unless of course one were to work longer than expected and then their monthly income would go down significantly. My Prenup: Up and until year 10, the amount received would … Continue reading

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This is 40

Hairy face Chin hair that stands out after days of doing the 360 degree rotation in the sunlight all but the one time. Jizz Urine/Sharts while sneezing but still trying to hold it together – because I felt I had … Continue reading

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Jizz

This morning, I awoke to disgust in my husband’s voice. “Our child would like to know what that stuff is in your underpants.” Within moments, my brain began functioning and as I did the ten second rundown of what he could possibly … Continue reading

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Chewy

The other day while my oldest sister came by, she commented on my skin. Within moments, she questioned the lines between my eyes, my forehead and whether or not I was using my friend’s regimen. If that wasn’t enough to … Continue reading

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“There Are Two Mrs. Salingers!”

While on the phone with a friend, I told her that I would text her some information- some private information. Information that if it got into the wrong hands, would not be good. When I received a text back stating, … Continue reading

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Please Pass The Polaner All Fruit

While seated next to another couple at dinner, I couldn’t help but notice how her husband disappeared with his cellphone. As it turned out, he was a doctor on call which meant that she and I could shoot the shit … Continue reading

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“Cue The Doves”

This evening while hubby and I were debating upon which restaurant we would go to since it was our palindrome anniversary, we began to comment upon the scenery in the neighborhood for ideas. “Hm… pizza looks good,” he said. “Oh, … Continue reading

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Maui-Wowie

Below is a conversation that my youngest had with me this evening, while he was zoning out. I can imagine the same type of conversation during his high school years. Son: Air is water and water is nothing. It’s white. … Continue reading

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Slave Labor

I’ve hired two nurses to help care for the tenant. Nightly, they go to her apartment and play Bingo, Cards, Pick up Sticks or Math games so that I can attend to my nightly duties of cleaning up after the … Continue reading

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50 Firsts…

Perhaps if I were Adam Sandler and my tenant were Drew Barrymore, I may have a little more tolerance- at least, that’s what would be written in my script. However, daily, I am asked many questions that were answered many … Continue reading

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