Monthly Archives: May 2016

Damn Dog

Each morning my 70 lb dog charges down the steps as if she’s a Greyhound in a race. Correction: first, she stands and stares from the top of the steps until I ask her in the nicest of voices if she wants … Continue reading

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The Key

According to my sibling, a building number on the apartment door and a key is all my tenant needs to feel secure. Yet, each night after dinner, he asks to go home. So I gave him a key, again, and my rental agent showed … Continue reading

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Sleep Away Camp For Non-Jews

Video

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Dear Mom

I decided that not only will we pre label and stamp all envelopes, but I will write all letters to us. Happy Letter Number 1: Dear Mom, I love camp…. Sad Letter Number 1: Dear Mom, I hate camp… New … Continue reading

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Hubby’s Packing List

When dropping our child off at the bus to go to sleepover camp/while attending visiting day, the following items will be given to him… so as to not fuck anything up. Duck Tape Heavy drugs Jaw wiring Sunglasses Wax lips

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Brooklyn

The other evening I was going through On Demand and after 8 trailers, I decided upon the film, Brooklyn. *I chose the movie Brooklyn because I thought I heard my mother talking about how great a film it was; I … Continue reading

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Camp Packing List

18 pair of socks 14 underpants 9 bathing suits 7 bath towels 4 pool towels 12 pair of shorts 14 tops 3 Sweatshirts Olympic garb Theme apparel pool shoes rain boots rain coat shower shoes shower caddy bathroom items 3 … Continue reading

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Birthday Wish

I would like to get a “lazy susan” of sorts, where I could safely stand on it while spinning in all facets of morning sunlight in order to see any unwanted hair on my face. …Or, a pair of 3 foot tweezers … Continue reading

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A Marriage Certificate Part Deux

Pre marriage: If I were undressing, I would bury my underwear in the bottom of the hamper, so that my innards would remain confidential. Post marriage: Hubby has to step over them en route to the toilet causing him to pee and … Continue reading

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The Difference A Piece Of Paper Makes

Pre marriage: If I was hungry or even thought of anything – my boyfriend would jump and grant all of my wishes. I wouldn’t have to wait a second- bam, all my needs were met. Post marriage: (In short) Are your … Continue reading

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