Monthly Archives: April 2016

But He Can’t Remember G?

This morning my son woke me up with a question. Son: Which number do you like, 7 or 10? Me: Wanting to go back to sleep, I said both. Son: Choose! Me: 10. Son: On my birthday I want you to … Continue reading

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Court Not Adjourned!

How does one handle a group of women on the rampage for increased recess for their children? Put them in charge of a one hour program and watch it turn into two, spilling over into meal time- add clean up … Continue reading

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Say Whaaat?

I’ve been watching so much Empire lately that when I was in a meeting with my colleague and heard it threaten my position, I nearly done gone Cookie and said, “we’ll be seeing about that bitch.” Thankfully, my Claire Underwood took the better … Continue reading

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Just Rewards

How do you reward a senior member of your staff, always on the cutting edge of technology, deep in the trenches with their pulse on the scene? That’s easy- unplug them. How does the senior member pay back the person in charge for … Continue reading

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Mams For Hire

The other week when I went for my mammogram the woman who checked me in must have previously worked for the CIA. CIA: “Can you verify your name?” Me: Jane Doe. CIA: And your date of birth? Me: July 3. … Continue reading

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I’ll Have A Side Of Cracked Ribs

After my daughter’s doctor’s appointment I had my annual checkup for my lady friends was yesterday and I always get a kick out of people who chose handling shveaty breasts as a profession. In fact, while being handled numerous times I was … Continue reading

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It’s Not What You Think

I took my daughter to the doctor yesterday and for about 5 seconds we were the only healthy people there. And then, Typhoid Mary walked in with her mother. So while I was finishing checking in with the lady at … Continue reading

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Uptown Funk

The other day I took my daughter to meet future faces that she’ll be seeing at overnight camp; we met the girls on the Upper East side. While the girls sat around a table decorating a shirt for camp, the … Continue reading

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Because I Said So!

Why is it that when I use voice control, it then questions my intentions? me: “Call Bubbie home!” Siri- “You would like me to call Bubbie home?” No, I just felt like fucking with you.

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Vodka?

My youngest daughter asked if she should cross out bleach and write vodka on the bottle I use to spray my counters and sink. I wonder if she’ll be bringing this to my attention during any 12 step program I … Continue reading

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