Monthly Archives: March 2014

What’s the News?

Often times I’ll do a “what’s the news” with my younger colleagues. And this is what I’ll hear… I’m getting a retainer. I am going to change my earrings. I’m going to play x-box all day. My expander is coming … Continue reading

Leave a comment

A+B=Ew

I’ve been sitting through some meetings with couples and sometimes my mind wanders. For example, often I’ll be thinking about how these two bland individuals do the horizontal mambo in bed. And the more couples that I meet with the … Continue reading

Leave a comment

The Goldbergs

Not that I watch this show but… it would make sense to cast someone Jewish.

Leave a comment

Mom. Mommy. Mother. Mama. Ma. Mommmmmm.

“I’m looking for new recipes for my family of three and not sure what to make, any ideas?” Ah, call your fucking mother?

Leave a comment

Google This!

Another problem I have with FB is this: “I’m thinking of running and not sure which water bottle of these 10 I took the time to purchase and post, I should use. Please post why or why not for each. … Continue reading

Leave a comment

Uh-Oh

When asking my eldest why she sits alone at the end of the lunch table, not talking to others she replied, “I don’t want them spitting on my food while they talk.” My bad.

Leave a comment

Sirious Problem

I apologize to any friend after 1994 for not having memorized your phone number.

Leave a comment

Happy Birthday

I’m sure I’ve posted about this, but it remains an issue for me. The whole FB birthday bullshit. Are people getting extra “likes” because they add things like, “hope you’re having a great day!… love you so much!….. hope it’s … Continue reading

Leave a comment

Doody Calls

If you know me, you know that I shit where I eat- almost literally. I will sooner have a kidney problem than use a public restroom and I would sooner soil my pants, than try to squat in public. And … Continue reading

Leave a comment

Penis Envy

Why is it that I am the one teaching my son how to go to the bathroom standing up?? My son had good aim, until I stepped in to perfect his pitch. He had the habit of standing arched with … Continue reading

Leave a comment