Monthly Archives: October 2011

Where Did I Go Wrong?

I pride myself on being an active mother. I read up on all the latest toys and gadgets. I do educational games; I allow them to only watch educational programs. I read to them and sing to them. I cook … Continue reading

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Ants in their Pants

Why do runners jog in place at a red light? We all see their wardrobe and get that they’re runners, so why the jog back and forth while waiting to cross? I don’t see people who are walking on the … Continue reading

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Titties in Aisle Six

Last week I took my impressionable kids to the Halloween shop for their 9th costume of the month. As we carefully strolled around the store to make certain we didn’t miss any costumes, my tots stopped and started hysterically laughing. … Continue reading

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Wet T-Shirt Contest

This afternoon I took the kids to Target for some sippy cups for my youngest. Within 20 feet of entering the store, I had filled up- correction, my toddlers had filled up the shopping cart with $1 items and more … Continue reading

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Best Little Whore House In Texas

My middle child today wore nothing but Brittney Spears knee high socks and a can can dress. No underpants. My thoughts immediately ran to page 35, the double spread article of Playboy Magazine, where I invisioned my child’s future. I … Continue reading

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California Dreaming

The past few weeks both kids have been coming into my room and climbing into my bed. That means, I don’t sleep past 6am when my son awakes. More importantly, I don’t sleep because I am sharing a pillow not … Continue reading

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It’s a Duck

Today at Show N Tell in my classroom, students had to bring in covered items that began with the letters, I, J, K or L. The clues were… 1. It’s found in Africa. 2. It’s got a mane. 3. It’s … Continue reading

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I Don’t Work Here

This evening while at shul, my father was jiggling. So much so that he couldn’t hold his book straight. I knew I would be obligated to hold his book for him vs. leave a little earlier, so I decided to … Continue reading

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Ba Dumpup

This evening at Kol Nidre services, I sat next to my sister.  My loving sister. For those of you who don’t know what Kol Nidre means, it is the beginning of the holiest day of the year and a time … Continue reading

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I think that was the last time my mother actually bought the refridgerator condiments. Today, my eldest was having lunch at Bubbie’s when she complained of the “butter.” I decided to find real butter that I’d bought for her to … Continue reading

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